Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Considering Corban

Corban is my kind, sweet, wears his heart on his sleeve, thoughtful young man! He always shows concern for the well-being of others and tries very hard to make everyone happy. Oh, how I love all these qualities about him. The Lord truly blessed me with a special gift when He choose me to be Corban's mom!

Because Corban is so tender though, little things can make him very upset and/or nervous. Whenever Shane leaves for a business trip, Corban is beside himself with worry. Or whenever there is a break from school, the first day/week back can be difficult.

With this being the first week back to school since Christmas break, AND with Shane being gone on a long trip, poor Cor has had to suffer through a double whammy. He's done okay, but we have had our fair share of nervous tummy aches and tears each day!! (I remember being the same way when I was little though too. Truth be told, I still suffer with nervousness and anxiety on some levels. Like they say, fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.) Anyway, today was an especially tough morning. I'm not sure why, maybe because it's the middle of the week, or maybe he was just tired, but today was rough. I hate seeing my precious little guy like that! Before heading out the door today we talked, prayed, and quoted Scripture. He went to school with a smile, but it was half-hearted!

Since Cor had a rough start to the day, I decided it would be fun to surprise him at school and join his class for lunch!

My AWESOME sister KK is out of school on Christmas break still, so she was able to come with us too!

Corban was thrilled to see us, and I think it helped make his day.
I know it MOST definitely made mine!
(Do any of you have children like this?
I'd LOVE to hear how your encourage and reassure them about things when they become anxious and nervous.)

11 comments:

Erin said...

Bless his sweet heart! But, how fun that he got to eat lunch with ya'll today. I can remember when I was in school I used to LOVE for my mom to come eat with him. Made my day, so I know it made his! :)

AprilW said...

Poor baby. My son Kanin doesn't get too upset about a lot of things except when Daddy has to go out of a town ON A PLANE. He doesn't really mind if he leaves in his car but if we have to drive him to the airport it is an all-out, break-your-heart kind of cry. I thought he would think it was fun to actually go to the airport but it only makes it worse.

I'm sure your little guys LOVED you coming to school. Kanin LOVES it when I come eat with him.

Ideas=how about a countdown calendar to the days that Daddy has to leave so it isn't sprung on him "Daddy is leaving today/tomorrow".
=Web cam where each night they can Skype and say good-night
=Reward for each day that Daddy is gone and he doesn't cry (even some little Dollar store car)
=Write a letter to Daddy each night he is gone and either read them to him over the phone or give them to him when he comes back . . . Daddy would probably love this, too.

These Are The Days said...

How crazy Jenny. I've been going through the exact same thing with Kade this week. He's also sweet, tender hearted etc. Jax started school again and I made Kade too since I know how lonely he get's when he homeschool's alone. He's had a rough week, then one night of struggling w/ a new math concept and it was a rough night. I also prayed and did scriptures w/ him. I thought of doing the lunch thing and mentioned it to him but he just kept saying "no, I'm fine!" I should've done it any way. You're such a good mom! Funny also that you and I both have the worry/anxiety deal. Fun isn't it? :D

Anne said...

Jenny,

I have read your blog for awhile and never commented until now. I hope it's ok.

I have a son who is a lot like this. He gets extremely nervous before starting school or anything new. He actually started a new semester today at school and had a new class that he was stressing about last night. He will be 16 in March. He has always had this type personality and, over the years, it has gotten a little better.

I just reassure him that everything will be fine and let him know that Dad and I are always here if you need anything. I also remind him of different situations that he has gone through that have been difficult in the past and how he got through them and become stronger because of them. We actually have some really good talks about this. He knows that we truly do support him.

I think a lot of this is because he is our firstborn and the things he gets involved in are essentially his "first time" doing them. Unlike his siblings who get the opportunity to watch him before getting into these activities and know what to expect themselves. They already have somewhat of a "built-in confidence" because they've watched him.

I also share a little bit of this personality myself and you're right, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!
You have an awesome blog and you're inspiring to many...even to this 40 year old mom! :-)

Susan said...

Poor sweet boy! I am sure he was thrilled to see you at lunchtime today. Sidney is much like Corban. It can be so heartbreaking for me when she is worried and I can't do anything to take away that worry. I think what you did was wonderful in that you prayed with him and talked to him about it AND then made a special trip to see him for lunch. I hope he has better start to his day tomorrow.

Chrissy said...

I've been a lurker. :O) Mostly because occasionally I have a few minutes to read and not much time to comment. Sorry 'bout that!

Anyways, I have a few extra minutes tonight. :o)

My husband is in the Air Force and flies a lot in addition to deployments.

For my son, it helps a lot to have special things to do when Daddy is gone.

He also has a Daddy pillow. You can get one at hugahero.com My son is younger than Corban, so I'm not sure if Corban is too old for this or not. But Tyler has a lot of trouble at bedtimes especially. It just helps to have him have a picture of Daddy that he can snuggle with and hang onto as he falls asleep. I know it's mostly for military in uniform, but you can also get a picture of someone in normal clothing too.

When he starts to worry or become sad, singing helps so much! We sing praise songs and fun songs and it really helps to lift his mood and get his mind off of the struggles.

Skype is great sometimes, not so great at other times. It can either make things better or worse.

You can give Corban a special box that whenever he makes something he wants to show Daddy, or thinks of something he wants to tell Daddy but is afraid he will forget, you can write it down and put it all in the box. Then when Daddy comes home, it's a fun show and tell time. This helps with kiddos still feeling like Daddy is a part of things, even when he is gone.

That's all I can think of for now! Blessings to you and your precious family!!!

(Oh, and I LOVE the story of Sophie's adoption!!)

Jeni said...

My little girl is like that. Her big brother and little sister are not at all. I was like this so I get her, but it is so hard. She really has a hard time at school. I feel bad for her teacher at times. Once she is there and in the room she is fine and loves school so it is so strange when she gets all upset again. I have not tips, but can relate :)!

Jeni said...

also...i would like to email you about your adoption. I don't know how to get in touch with you. Maybe you could comment on my blog. I moderate the comments so it would not be published.

Megg said...

Poor kid!
I don't normally comment (though I do love reading!) but I wanted to give a little advice that has helped me, because I struggle with anxiety a lot. I have recently learned to think through the things that are giving me anxiety, looking at what is giving me anxiety and why. Then I think about what could happen, and it kinda helps prepare me.
For example, if he's anxious because Shane usually reads him a book at night and can't because he's away, discuss this, and talk about what is going to happen instead. Maybe you will read to him, or he will read silently.
I find that the anxiety lies in not knowing what's going to happen, for me anyway. So going through all the possible scenarios helps me to realize that the worst things I can imagine aren't going to happen, and also that what could happen is OK. I hope that made sense.

I also think preparing him mentally a few days before the event that he is having issues with might help, too.

C'est Moi! said...

My oldest son, who is 16, always has a harder transition going back to school than many of his classmates and his almost 14 y.o. brother. He does get anxious about things-and in the last couple of years, he and I have had a number of heart to hearts, late in the evening. Sometimes it has taken a while to get to the core of what's troubling him (as I've propped open my eyes with toothpicks at the late hour. :) ) But I'm always grateful that I have the flexibility in my schedule to have those late night conversations with him. Usually we've ended the talks with prayer and we've looked at Scripture together. He has said these talks help and the Scripture verses have been an encouragement. I also would put notes in his lunch box-to say I was praying for him, etc.
My husband travelled for work a lot when the boys were younger. My husband would often e-mail pics of the planes he'd travel on; sometimes he'd send us a video. This, in addtion to nightly phone calls. My 16 year old was big into airplanes for a long while, so my husband would bring him "souvenirs' from the planes, e.g. the magazine, or some of the freebies; once in a while a die cast version of the plane he'd been on.
Jenny, you are doing well in helping Corban. It's sometimes harder on we Moms. There were times I'd go to bed wondering if I'd helped my older son at all-and the next day he'd tell me how much better he felt. Praise God! What a treat for Corban to have you visit at lunch today! Way to go! Keep up the good work-press on! Blessings, Donna (I'm 49 but your posts spur me on in my parenting journey!!)

BRANDY said...

Nicholas is like that - everything he feels, he feels big. I wonder if it is a first child thing? Anyway, we pray with him and have taught him some breathing exercises to help him calm himself down. He takes big breaths in and then "blows his boat" as hard as he can to try and move it. (He was five when we started this; I'm not sure if he still pretends to blow a sail boat or not.) Anyway, it is a huge help for him. Sometimes we see him just stop and say a little prayer silently.

One of the things I love most about Nicholas is how sweet and caring he is. The world sure works hard to make sure little boys don't stay that way, doesn't it?